Trials and Revalation

The past few months have been extremely hard on me and my family. I have been so sick and no doctor could figure out what was going on. They finally found out and in time because I was getting sicker and unable to do the things which I did everyday. Some days I couldn't play with my sweet little girl. The weekend of September 24th I was in Idaho Falls with my in-laws and I had the sudden feeling that we needed to stop by my parents before we went home and get a priesthood blessing. We left and got there a little before my dad was to arrive home. So we hung out for a little while. My dad got home and before he got in the shower or ate, asked if I was ready for a blessing. I, of course, was. They laid their hands on my head and gave me a beautiful blessing. I knew after that blessing that I had nothing to worry about and that the Lord hand my life in his hands. Wednesday, September 28 I had my surgery. I was so scared. I knew the doctors would know what to do. I also knew that my doctors where LDS and that if I felt the need for a blessing they would give me one with my husbands help. Surgery went well and they found another problem that they did not suspect before they had started. They took it care of and sent me home. I was in so much pain. I could not move. I knew that my friends, family, and my ward had me in their prayers and that they were listening to the spirit and would know if I needed anything and I was right. I also knew that my husband, unknowingly, would listen to the spirit.

This past Monday, I had gone to school. Not even a week after surgery. I came home feeling sick, tired and stressed. I was playing on the floor with my baby when I had the sudden urge to ask for a fathers blessing. I didn't know why I wanted one I just knew that I did. Steve willing gave me the blessing and when he got done looked at me and said, "I was trying to feel the spirit because I know your in pain but he didn't inspire me to say anything about the pain." I started crying. I looked at him and replied, "You were in tune with the spirit. You said exactly what the Lord knew I needed to hear."

Last night as I lay dreaming, I had a dream and the dream itself was not bad. This creature came upon me and looked me in the eyes and I knew right at that moment that Satan had entered our house. I cannot explain what I felt but all I knew was I needed to wake up. I sat in the bathroom with the light on for about 20 minutes. I went out and the feeling still lingered in our bedroom. I immediately started to pray. It was the hardest I have prayed in a long time. I did not like that feeling and I wanted Satan out of my house. I was praying for comfort and for that spirit to leave. As I was in the middle of a prayer, Steven (Unaware that he was listening to the spirit.) reached over and grabbed my hand. I started to silently sob. The Lord was listening to me and was answering my prayers within seconds and I knew he would not let Satan stay a minute longer. I started to feel comfort. As I rolled to my side pain shot through one the wholes they put in my stomach not a week ago. It was the worst pain I have ever felt and I have no doubt that Satan was trying to get back at me for calling on the Lord's help. I yelled out in pain and curled up in a ball. Still praying that the pain would go away and that I would feel the Lord's arms around me once again. Steven now aware something was wrong wrapped his arms around me and told me I would be OK. I knew the Lord was listening to my prayers and answering them in small but meaningful ways.

This story is about awhile ago. Syndee had RSV and ended up needing to be in the hospital. I stayed with her there day and night. People knew she was sick but not know the extent as to how it was. I was struggling so bad. To see my little 2 month old baby laying in the hospital bed with oxygen and knowing I could not help her was killing me. I kept asking the Lord for help and I felt like I was getting no response. Unknowingly he was working with the spirit and I was unaware. After spending a few nights in the hospital I had a visitor. Someone I had not expected to see. My visiting teacher showed up with a little gift to help me know that she loved me and was there for me and that I had people helping. I was so touched by that act.

I have been thinking a lot lately and have realized all these small and big blessing I have been given. I cannot express the love I feel for my Lord and his son Jesus Christ. I cannot tell you how much I believe that their there and they understand my trials. I have never been more aware of the atonement and what it means in my life than I have this past week. I have always struggled with the gospel but in this past year I have learned of its truths and I know for a fact that it is true and that nothing will change that. I know the people in the church callings listen to the spirit and are aware of what I need and what others need. I cannot express my love and gratitude for all of those people. I know this church is true and I am so grateful I was brought up in it and was able to have the trials I have. If I hadn't of gone through all that I did I would not be where I am now. I would not know the truths I know now. I am grateful for every little thing that the Lord has put in my way. He has shown me how strong I am and that I need his help. He has taught me to come to him before trials get bad. He is willing to help if you are only willing to listen. I testify of the spirit and its ability to work in people, unaware of it at times. I testify of the priesthood and the help it has with the trails that you are going through. I know this church is a true church and I cannot say it enough times. I am so grateful to be a part of it!!!