Well a lot has happened since October 2013. In February we welcomed our second beautiful little girl into the world!
Right before we had her we moved. I worked and Steve was finishing up school. Steve got a job in July 2014 and we ended up moving back at the end of August. We lived with my parents for a few months but right after we moved in, about 3 weeks I want to say, we found out that we were expecting another little one! YAY! I was shocked and afraid and all sorts of feelings overwhelmed me.
Our 2nd, Bailey, was only 6 months old at the time. I was not at all prepared or ready for the challenges that were going to come. ( I am still VERY pregnant right now) I felt overwhelmed at some days didn't even know why I bothered being a SAHM because I was terrified about having 2 babies so close. Syndee and Bailey are 3 years apart and now Bailey and baby will be 15 months apart. I spent MANY nights laying awake crying because I didn't feel ready for this challenge. Heavenly Father has a funny way of keeping us humble and preparing us for things we don't know are going to happen.
Bailey just turned one.
We found out that this 3rd, and final, baby is a......
The thing that is getting me now is I am not close to be doing due and am having many problems. I am so worried something is going to happen but I hate asking for help. I know people are willing to help but it makes me feel like I am less of a person/mom/wife for not being able to do these things myself. I have been having a lot of pressure and cramping throughout this pregnancy and at times I have even had contractions. As much as I want to say this pregnancy is going easily, I can't. I am in tears more often than not because I am not sure what each day will hold. I confessed to Steve that I wake up every morning praying that today wont be the day I go into labor. It's so hard not knowing what to expect because of the amount of pain and complications I have been having. It sucks but at the same time I am so extremely grateful for modern technology and knowing that if little one did decide it was his time to come to earth he would have a good chance. Its scary, I have never been through anything like this. I wonder when he's still if he's ok, I wonder if I should be calling my doctor when I start cramping and the pressure makes it feel like my water will break any second. I am so scared of what might happen that I can't bring myself to get on the floor and play with the kids because what if that small pressure turns into larger pressure and I can't get up. I am the only one here and what will my babies do if I am stuck on the floor? I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for this boy and I know everything will turn out ok. I am just to the point that if I knew for certain that this baby would be ok and I would at least make it to my 9th month I could relax. I am just not certain I will make it that long and that I will be sitting by his crib in tears because I didn't do something just right. Not knowing what could happen from one day to the next in this pregnancy is really trying my faith and sometimes I am not sure that I can do it by myself. I find myself praying often that baby will start moving or by some crazy chance the pressure will lessen and so will the cramping. I know Heavenly Father is testing me and I am trying my hardest to stay true but sometimes, its very difficult.
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