What a year!

In December we were told that having another baby would be difficult if not impossible because my body was not doing what it was supposed to be doing.  This made things very hard for us.  We wanted another baby so bad that hearing this news broke my heart into many tiny pieces.  I was given meds to help us try to get pregnant and well, they did not work.  I tried them out for a few months until one day, I cried the whole day.  There were babies at church and everywhere I turned and the waterworks were just coming and there was not a darn thing I could do to stop them.  Steve, being the amazing man he is, looked me straight in the eyes and told me it was time to stop.  He couldn't bare me being so depressed about it anymore.  We decided to stop trying.  It was hard because we both wanted another little one so bad, but it was what needed to be done.

About a month went by and nothing spectacular happened, the then Bishops wife gave a lesson in relief society.  I don't usually talk much in my ward because of a few reasons, but I sat listening to this beautifully prepared lesson and bowed my head.  The tears silently fell onto my lap as the spirit talked to me.  She talked about Lorenzo Snow and how he had talked with a woman who was so sad that she was getting older and hadn't been married like the Lord had wanted her to be.  President Snow told this woman that even though she wasn't married on this earth in Heaven she would be able to be married to the man of her dreams because she was living God's words.  That struck me so strongly.  Without anybody noticing, I cried.  I cried because, like this woman, I was having a problem.  I wanted another baby on this earth so bad that I had forgotten Heavenly Fathers plan.  How could I have done that?  I knew then that I was going to get another baby, whether on this earth or heaven.  It touched my heart so much, I got home and shared my experience with Steve.  Being my amazing husband, he said, "I knew that and I knew in time you would too." 

I couldn't believe my ears, I know had gained what I needed to from Heavenly Father.  We decided to feed the missionaries and had it all planned out.  My wisdom teeth started popping up the day we were to feed them and I was so worried. I didn't know what to do.  So we fed them and as they were leaving the offered a prayer. It was a beautiful prayer.  The part that got me, and still does, is when he prayed, "let the Brown's be able to raise their dau......children in the gospel."  I was stunned.  I wanted to tell him about our trials but decided not to. I didn't hear the rest of the prayer. I just sat there stunned. We wished them goodbye and we were on our ways.  We forgot about the prayer and a couple weeks went past.  At this point, I was sick.  I could hardly eat and all I wanted to do was sleep.  My period was late also but I had a reason for all of these.  I was stressed and my body had had a bad infection from my wisdom tooth. It would start I just knew it.  I was sick and tired because of the fact that it was so stinking hot lately.  What threw me was that I wanted to eat pickles. Anyone who knows me knows that I cannot stand pickles any other time of the year. 

I told Steve that I should get a pregnancy test and he just rolled his eyes like "oh we've been here before."  I dropped him off at the library and took Syndee to get diapers.  I was so confused.  I kept praying and asking if I should get a pregnancy test.  I wasn't certain but I was hoping.  So we walked around and then decided to go.  As I went to the cashier and put my stuff up on the belt I noticed the pregnancy test.  I knew that I needed to take it home.  So we did and I took the test.  I walked away.  After all I had taken about 100 tests by now and all of them had been negative.  I just knew this was going to be the same thing.  I played with Syndee for a few minutes, then decided it was time to check.  I walked in and was STUNNED!! I couldn't believe it.  I fell to my knees in tears. I couldn't stop it.  I was so happy!  I sat there and cried.  Syndee asked if I was ok and I told her I was and that there was a baby in mommy's tummy.  She looked at me confused.  I called Steve ,twice, and once he answered he heard me crying.  He said, "you didn't do it again?" my response was yes.  He said, " I knew you shouldn't have." I said, "it was positive, we are gonna have another one!" I could hear him choke back his emotions so excited.  We talked for a few more minutes then got off the phone. I decided I needed to get in to make sure it was true.  I called a friend to come watch Syndee and headed on my way.  The doctor confirmed it.  I couldn't believe it! I finally have a little one growing in me.

Its been a couple months and we are still stunned.  We didn't think it would happen for a while and yet here I am, pregnant and showing at over 3 months along.  Syndee loves this baby already. She wants to share everything with this little one.  I can't wait for her to meet her new baby brother or sister.  This year has sure been a hard one but it has given us so many blessings sometimes I lose count.